A lot of people pick up a self-help or psychological book and just dig in. They crack it open, blow through the material, learn a bunch of things, and gain some insights along the way. Yet, I often have clients tell me, “You know, I read that book but it didn’t really help me.” When I hear this, I’m sure to follow up with the same thing, “That’s sad to hear. How did you go about reading the book and then applying the information to your emotional process and behaviors?” This usually stumps them a bit because they didn’t know that they should be doing these things while reading the book. This makes a lot of sense because nobody’s taught us how to go about reading these kinds of books. And this is what this guide is meant to do; it’s meant to provide a framework whereby you can fully utilize and benefit from a good psychology book that’s based on proven theories and methods.
Change How You Read
All of us read at different speeds. Some can read faster and remember things quite well while others, like me, are slower. No matter your pace, if you remember all that you’ve read it still doesn’t mean that you’ve applied or have internalized what you’ve read. To make space for a slightly different reading approach we will all need to go at a slower pace. Why? Because it’s only when we’re going slower that we have the mental space to also reflect upon and critically think about the information. When we do this, we increase our in-the-moment self-awareness and naturally start neurologically reprogramming our minds. So, if you want your book to be helpful then you need to see how the concepts in discusses show up in even the smallest ways in your life. So, here are a few rules of thumb:
- 1) Slower – Ready only slightly faster than if you were reading it out loud (this will take time to get used to for some of us).
- 2) Pause – Pause to wonder, to ask yourself if the concept applies or how it applies. Then watch your mind come up with answers.
- 3) Realizations – When you experience a light bulb moment or deep realization, stop reading when you’re done with the topic for 3-7 days. During that time, journal about it, see how it shows up in your life, in your mind and in your emotions.
- 4) Filled Up – When it comes to remembering the information, we have to be sensitive to when we need to stop. If you feel like your head is filled up and you’re going to start forgetting things, stop for 2-3 days.
The Hidden Value of Journaling
Journaling, regardless of how you feel about it, is necessary to improve. But here’s the great news, when we go about it in the right way it allows us to change more rapidly, efficiently and promotes longer-lasting improvements. When we feel and experience the benefits of consistently journaling, reading psych material and going to therapy sessions, then end up realizing that we’re totally hacking ourselves. It’s pretty badass in this way because it is one of the most creative processes we will ever engage in! And what are you creating? You’re creating an updated and, eventually, more content version of yourself! Don’t know about you but that sounds pretty wonderful. Now, I’d love to nerd-out about all of the scientific reasons why all of this works but I’ll spare you…for now.
Now if you’re still resistant to journaling and are somewhat cynical about its benefits then consider this: think about how many hours and years we’ve spent going to school, reading, studying and practicing new skills before you’ve gotten pretty good at them. Now, think about many hours, days and years that you’ve done these same things to learn about and improve your psychological, emotional and social well-being. I’m guessing that there’s a massive difference between the two. The reality is that most of us have barely done anything…and this is just nuts! Especially since how we live, love and feel about ourselves is determined by all of these things. Consequently, I’m always going to push people to spend more time to enhancing themselves because they deserve to experience the benefits.
Using Therapy with Your Journaling & Books
If you’re a Wakeful Client and you’re reading through any of the books listed on our resource pages then there’s great alignment between our approaches, knowledge-base and the work you’re doing in your sessions. If your therapist doesn’t already know what you’re reading through, be sure to give them a heads up. This way you two can reinforce what you’re learning about, reflect upon it together and figured out how to begin applying these new things to your life. If you’re working with another therapist then you’ll want to discuss with them how specific texts or books can be incorporated in your work and discussions. Of course, you can journal and read books on your own without therapy but honestly, there’s just a limit to this. The limit is there because we live in our own mind and don’t notice when we’re biased, in denial or not seeing how concepts and insights connect with one another. Having a good therapist who works to be objective and remains open-minded is a safeguard against these misses and misconceptions. Therefore, I will always encourage the use of therapy.
Start Gradually & Build
For those of you who might get quickly overwhelmed by the amount of newness in these activities or if you’re a person who expects way too much of yourself, I’d ask that you let these reactions or tendencies fall away. Ultimately, they’re pretty unhelpful. Instead, I’m going to encourage you to repeatedly tell yourself the following: A long-term trend of slow and steady changes builds lasting improvement, no matter the ups and downs in this process, rather than intense starts and stops. So pick a small change that you’re truly committed to and focus on that for 2 months. And when I mean small, I mean small. For example, 10 minutes of journaling 3 days a week or 5 minutes daily could be just the thing for you. It might also be to just read 2 pages in a book because your tolerance for sitting still is currently very low. Regardless, it’s just important to start somewhere.
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