Parenting is a Tough Gig

It’s a 24/7 job that lasts for years, and it’s also a job that we weren’t fully trained on. Think about it. We have this general idea that we should be relatively successful and satisfied in our own lives but where’s the training? And now we’re supposed to help little humans do this!? What a messed up situation! Even though you’re probably short on time, getting support as a parent is important.

Professionals, like the clinicians at Wakeful, are well equipped to help you and help your kids. When you’re on the front lines it’s very hard to not get lost in the details and lose sight of the larger picture. You’re dealing with a lot of emotions, complexities and logistics each and every day. Most parents are very hard on themselves and we get that.

Some of us at Wakeful have a saying, “Work hard to be lazy.” This means that we work hard to set up systems that run themselves and give us more time and energy in the long run. Consequently, we encourage parents or soon to be parents to start getting support early. This way we can learn of things to do well before we need to do them. This allows us to slowly prepare for what’s to come rather than scramble. And scrambling usually results in more unintended consequences and problems. Additionally, when we’re parenting with a partner it can be even more challenging because you have different views and approaches. Yet another reason to get some help to have some good discussions.

The Dance of a Family

Wakeful therapists believe that the healthiest people deliberately choose to live and relate to others in their own way and not on the basis of how others will emotional reaction to them. Yet, this can be very difficult to do in our unique family, no matter how big or small. This is because each family has a dance or rhythm to it, for better or worse. If this dance is very rigid and strongly rejects change or difference, it can be very hard to connect with others or build a connection that we’ve wanted for a long time. So even if other family members won’t come in for a session, you can still do family therapy on your own.

It may be surprising to learn that Family Therapy can be done with only one person but it’s a very real thing. What’s more is that sometimes it’s more effective than having multiple people in a session. Fundamentally, we are all deeply interconnected on an emotionally, functionally and neurologically basis and so when one person changes, it will always influence (not control or force) a response in others. When this is repeated over time the dynamics simply change, most of the time without us thinking about it.